In my effort to provide a clear and therapeutic resting place for my family, I've discovered that my poor man's brain has been having an active fight with my need to purchase more and more things which has a detrimental affect on my kids. My kids are actively making me break the habits that are intuitively instilled in me based on what I perceive as this great way of life, which, I've discovered, is a fantasy at best, and at worst, a lie conjured up to keep me distracted from my own pursuit of happiness.
~Now I know that was a lot, 😉so let me see if I can unpack this light bulb moment for you. ~
My poor man's brain was built on the premise that "consumption gives you clout". What I mean by that is, the more you have, the more you think you have made it! or become somebody! I've always been a huge consumer. I don't know why, but I've always loved gadgets and things and the sheer joy of finding things on sale and that rush of buying it has always given me pleasure. Once I started having children, I passed that joy from buying things for me to buying this for them! I would love to find outfits and toys that I could just buy and buy for them to signify that
- I worked hard enough to afford to buy you this stuff
- I love you so much, I will buy you this stuff
Two things that I now know to be very flawed in my thinking and at this point, I'm just now reconciling with my notions about this because of ..... my kids!
I've noticed that the more I have structure and a clear space for the kids, the more they are content, happy and able to focus on what is in front of them. Minimizing distractions has worked tremendously when it's come to school work and even potty training. If I throw the latest, loud, light-blinking gadget at them - they just shut off and shut down. Nothing of substance gets done, and most of the time, I end up desensitizing them to the new thing I just bought rather than the skill I'm trying to teach them.
Now how did this affect me? Well, now I've discovered this new guilty pleasure of mine. Looking at Tiny House youtube videos and dreaming that one day I too could live off the grid, simply and efficiently; Living on the road and not a slave to the daily grind. All the lies they told me about getting a job and being fulfilled by spending my money on stuff is just unraveling in front of me when I start to ponder this impossible dream. But then I realize, I can't possibly live in a tiny house/schoolie because I would probably buy a whole bunch of junk, fill it up, and end up consumed by my own consumerism, ending up back at a job I hate and back in hamster wheel of work - buy - consume - need place to put it - work some more.
My kids really do better with time spent and don't really need stuff. They love going to the park, having adventures, spending time talking/being social (which they need and crave) and just being around family and friends. I don't need a million shiny things to make this happen! What have I been doing with my life!?
So now - I contemplate all of the days I've set aside to do mindless shopping because society tells me to. Birthdays, and Holidays like Valentines day (blatant consumerism) all the way to Holiday/Christmas time.🎄 I buy so much stuff throughout the year and on their birthdays that I can't for the life of me think of what they would possibly need at the end of the year!
I write all this to say that I celebrate the death of consumerism for me today! Today is the last day I will spend money on wants and all wants. I'm testing my self-control in not buying more and more and it starts with little things.
- Bringing my lunch to work instead of consuming what I see outside
- Not feeling obligated to put a hundred frigging presents under the tree (do you know how many toys I find that they never even opened the box? just ripped off the paper? UGH)
- Getting rid of stuff in the house that I don't use (more minimalism - less time cleaning; more time to spend with kids)
- Getting up early to appreciate the things I DO spend money on (getting my butt up to go to the gym of which I spend money on a membership - so I should get my money's worth EY!)
- Just getting up early!! Appreciating the day and time to spend with my kids
- Investing in experiences and trying not to feel obligated to buy, buy, BUY
As I write, I see this list is a bit daunting but I'm determined to end this cycle so that my kids don't feel this way when they get older. I don't want them to be a slave to branding, and buying stuff they don't need just to impress someone they don't care about.
Throughout this year, spending time with my friends and family has really sustained me and the more I look around and notice that stuff isn't doing it for me, the more I realize that the fog is lifting and that I can become a better person by letting go and giving in to what really makes me happy. Anxiety is a bitch, but it sure is bringing about some major life lessons I needed to learn. 💯💯
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