Am I Black Enough For Ya!

Today I observed something that is not foreign to me, but has my mind in a whirlwind!
My children had a little concert this afternoon. Both play the piano and my son also plays the recorder. As each child stepped up to play their little songs, I noticed that some of the older students would fake sneeze or call out something stupid while the parents were clapping in between. I took it as they didn't want to be here and they were bored. But by the 7th kid, I had had enough of their childish ways and so did some of the other parents.
I also had an epiphany while sitting there. This is the start of the crabs in a barrel syndrome that has plagued black people for generations. When we speak correctly and use proper grammar, some of us are teased and made fun of and even accused of not being black! I don't know why, but I was pretty stunned to figure out that I have to teach my children, not only to look out for bullying, but to look out for this specific type of bullying. Bullying because they are smart, and they do use their manners. Not bending to peer pressure to "dumb it down" or be as stupid as you possibly can just to fit in.
While I know this next statement might seem racist, In all my years on earth I've only experienced this issue among black people and for the life of me I could never understand why that is.
Today I am lucky enough to be married and run a successful business. In the business community, we uplift each other because the end result is to network and build collaborations. In our own culture and as a black woman, I see the opposite on a daily and I'm wondering when this insanity is going to end!
We strive everyday to send our children to school so they can have a good education for their future, but everything around them is telling them that this is not so. You cannot express your good education and manners in the streets for fear of getting bullied, or worse, beaten up cause you are the smart kid! Yet, we also celebrate these children, giving them a pat on the back and praises for their good grades, but don't let them know that out there! Keep your mouth shut, or use your slang if you want to survive and be considered cool.
I don't know how in the hell I'm going to explain to my kids that they need a dual personality to deal with his friends and one to deal with his education. I don't want to have to explain that to my children! What I want is to praise them for their good works and encourage them to do better. Not give them a history lesson on why we have to act, talk, and conduct ourselves different ways among different people, especially our OWN people!.
When are we as parents going to stop playing this game and recognize that our children need our help and that we are educating them to make a better future. We are not going to be able to have a better future if they are all out making a fool of themselves on the surface, but deep down their geniuses.
I was fortunate enough to go to a school that celebrated differences and encouraged deep thought and conversation in a diverse setting. My children may not be so lucky depending on whats available as they grow older.
All I want to know, is when is it going to be cool or fashionable to have the courage to be yourself despite the ignorance of the crabs that are raising their crablings to be outwardly hateful and inwardly intelligent?

IEP tips: Come prepared with your own plan

Special Needs or Retarded?

 Its Sunday morning, and already I'm in trouble. I flew off the handle about a comment on Facebook regarding a child displaying bad behavior and the caption read ADHD - Ain't no Discipline (or Daddy) at Home Disorder!

Instantly I was upset on many different levels.

1. Is this idiot for real? 
2. Is this what my child is going to have to deal with in the future?
3. Are people really this closed minded regarding special needs children?
4. Did they mean to be this ignorant, or is this how they REALLY feel?

I had to take a good look at myself and how I see the world. I hate labels on all fronts because I believe people in general are more than what their label suggests, but as a Mom of a child that has been diagnosed with both Autism and ADHD, I am just not sure how others outside of our immediate circle will see him. In our small circle and because we HAD to be EDUCATED, we regard William as Special Needs or his actual diagnosis when describing him, but what do others say in context of my son and others like him. 

The sad fact is, most people either in front of my face or behind my back are going to call my son RETARDED.  Schools are going to think of him that way. Educated and Non-educated folks are going to think of him that way. Society is going to think of him that way. I do all that I can to educate others by blogging and being as active in the community as I can, but no amount of education is ever going to reach people enough to stop using that word or even believe that his diagnosis is REAL (yes there are really people that believe I make this SHIT UP!) 

Here's a list of the wonderful things people have to say about my son's diagnosis:

• His issues are made up
• Your imagining things
• He's not bad. Are you sure somethings wrong with him? (after 6 years of continuous therapy)
• That diagnosis (ADHD) is made up so drug companies can make money 

I know at the end of the day, people are going to believe what they want to believe and no amount of education or examples of children will change their mind. So they live in this world of conspiracy theories and ignorance and just politely say oh my bad, I didn't know YOUR child was RETARDED. Sorry. 

Because I cannot control the perception of the world, I KNOW that most people will regard my son as either a WEIRDO or RETARDED and it breaks my heart that I will never be able to do anything about it. In my community (which happens to be African-American) I know that this will occur more frequently than in other communities and for that, I must swallow my pride, walk tall and continue to educate and advocate for my son the best way I know how.  However, I know that these labels will still affect me and my family FOREVER, and that is never going to sit right with me, no matter what.

So in conclusion, I still don't know what to do. Either accept the label and excuse their ignorance, or stick my chest out and give a holy hell educated rant on the labels I use. Labels are labels, but words really can hurt and teaching people to think before speaking would NEVER work. 

How do you handle these situations with your special situation?

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