Special Needs or Retarded?

 Its Sunday morning, and already I'm in trouble. I flew off the handle about a comment on Facebook regarding a child displaying bad behavior and the caption read ADHD - Ain't no Discipline (or Daddy) at Home Disorder!

Instantly I was upset on many different levels.

1. Is this idiot for real? 
2. Is this what my child is going to have to deal with in the future?
3. Are people really this closed minded regarding special needs children?
4. Did they mean to be this ignorant, or is this how they REALLY feel?

I had to take a good look at myself and how I see the world. I hate labels on all fronts because I believe people in general are more than what their label suggests, but as a Mom of a child that has been diagnosed with both Autism and ADHD, I am just not sure how others outside of our immediate circle will see him. In our small circle and because we HAD to be EDUCATED, we regard William as Special Needs or his actual diagnosis when describing him, but what do others say in context of my son and others like him. 

The sad fact is, most people either in front of my face or behind my back are going to call my son RETARDED.  Schools are going to think of him that way. Educated and Non-educated folks are going to think of him that way. Society is going to think of him that way. I do all that I can to educate others by blogging and being as active in the community as I can, but no amount of education is ever going to reach people enough to stop using that word or even believe that his diagnosis is REAL (yes there are really people that believe I make this SHIT UP!) 

Here's a list of the wonderful things people have to say about my son's diagnosis:

• His issues are made up
• Your imagining things
• He's not bad. Are you sure somethings wrong with him? (after 6 years of continuous therapy)
• That diagnosis (ADHD) is made up so drug companies can make money 

I know at the end of the day, people are going to believe what they want to believe and no amount of education or examples of children will change their mind. So they live in this world of conspiracy theories and ignorance and just politely say oh my bad, I didn't know YOUR child was RETARDED. Sorry. 

Because I cannot control the perception of the world, I KNOW that most people will regard my son as either a WEIRDO or RETARDED and it breaks my heart that I will never be able to do anything about it. In my community (which happens to be African-American) I know that this will occur more frequently than in other communities and for that, I must swallow my pride, walk tall and continue to educate and advocate for my son the best way I know how.  However, I know that these labels will still affect me and my family FOREVER, and that is never going to sit right with me, no matter what.

So in conclusion, I still don't know what to do. Either accept the label and excuse their ignorance, or stick my chest out and give a holy hell educated rant on the labels I use. Labels are labels, but words really can hurt and teaching people to think before speaking would NEVER work. 

How do you handle these situations with your special situation?

Additional_Testing_IEE!

If you feel that the school district didn't do enough testing, you as the advocate for your child can request and Independent evaluation at public expense. When asking for this, you MUST write a letter and be specific about your reasoning. This is not a cheap expense. If you do this on your own, it will cost you $2500 + to do this and most of it is not covered by your insurance. If you specify your concerns, it is easier to get this done. Remember advocating is not just about fighting. You are trying to nicely get along with these people and get them to understand your child's individual needs. Even though it might seem like a daunting task, writing a letter and spelling out your reasoning is a CYA (Cover your A$$) move. If you ever need to go to court or file for due process, you can show the judge that you made an attempt to work with the school district with your letter, dated and signed. Also remember to cc other members of your team. Your developmental pediatrician, child's teacher, etc. The more people who know the merrier. Everybody needs to be on the same page and in addition, the more that know, the more the school district can't play games with you. Below is a link to an actual letter I wrote that spells out my concerns and the reasoning behind asking for this type of testing. Because it certainly is not cheap, I felt compelled to address everything and prove that he needed the test, and not just because I want him to have it done. Remember you must be compelling in your argument to get things done. If you are not convincing, you may have to go a tougher route ( mediation, due process). This is your first step towards looking at your child's learning style and grasping if what you THINK is true, is confirmed.
Letter Asking for Independent Evaluation

Let me know what you think. I left our names in it so that you could see my actual thought process and what is specific to him.