Consumerism Overwhelms me and my ASD kids

Here's an interesting thought I had today....

In my effort to provide a clear and therapeutic resting place for my family, I've discovered that my poor man's brain has been having an active fight with my need to purchase more and more things which has a detrimental affect on my kids. My kids are actively making me break the habits that are intuitively instilled in me based on what I perceive as this great way of life, which, I've discovered, is a fantasy at best, and at worst, a lie conjured up to keep me distracted from my own pursuit of happiness.

~Now I know that was a lot, 😉so let me see if I can unpack this light bulb moment for you. ~

My poor man's brain was built on the premise that "consumption gives you clout". What I mean by that is, the more you have, the more you think you have made it! or become somebody! I've always been a huge consumer. I don't know why, but I've always loved gadgets and things and the sheer joy of finding things on sale and that rush of buying it has always given me pleasure. Once I started having children, I passed that joy from buying things for me to buying this for them! I would love to find outfits and toys that I could just buy and buy for them to signify that

1. I worked hard enough to afford to buy you this stuff 
2. I love you so much, I will buy you this stuff

Two things that I now know to be very flawed in my thinking and at this point, I'm just now reconciling with my notions about this because of ..... my kids!

I've noticed that the more I have structure and a clear space for the kids, the more they are content, happy and able to focus on what is in front of them. Minimizing distractions has worked tremendously when it's come to school work and even potty training. If I throw the latest, loud, light-blinking gadget at them - they just shut off and shut down. Nothing of substance gets done, and most of the time, I end up desensitizing them to the new thing I just bought rather than the skill I'm trying to teach them.

Now how did this affect me? Well, now I've discovered this new guilty pleasure of mine. Looking at Tiny House youtube videos and dreaming that one day I too could live off the grid, simply and efficiently; Living on the road and not a slave to the daily grind. All the lies they told me about getting a job and being fulfilled by spending my money on stuff is just unraveling in front of me when I start to ponder this impossible dream. But then I realize, I can't possibly live in a tiny house/schoolie because I would probably buy a whole bunch of junk, fill it up, and end up consumed by my own consumerism, ending up back at a job I hate and back in hamster wheel of work - buy - consume - need place to put it - work some more.

My kids really do better with time spent and don't really need stuff. They love going to the park, having adventures, spending time talking/being social (which they need and crave) and just being around family and friends. I don't need a million shiny things to make this happen! What have I been doing with my life!?

So now - I contemplate all of the days I've set aside to do mindless shopping because society tells me to. Birthdays, and Holidays like Valentines day (blatant consumerism) all the way to Holiday/Christmas time.🎄 I buy so much stuff throughout the year and on their birthdays that I can't for the life of me think of what they would possibly need at the end of the year!

I write all this to say that I celebrate the death of consumerism for me today! Today is the last day I will spend money on wants and all wants. I'm testing my self-control in not buying more and more and it starts with little things.

• Bringing my lunch to work instead of consuming what I see outside
• Not feeling obligated to put a hundred frigging presents under the tree (do you know how many toys I find that they never even opened the box? just ripped off the paper? UGH)
• Getting rid of stuff in the house that I don't use (more minimalism - less time cleaning; more time to spend with kids)
• Getting up early to appreciate the things I DO spend money on (getting my butt up to go to the gym of which I spend money on a membership - so I should get my money's worth EY!)
• Just getting up early!! Appreciating the day and time to spend with my kids
• Investing in experiences and trying not to feel obligated to buy, buy, BUY

As I write, I see this list is a bit daunting but I'm determined to end this cycle so that my kids don't feel this way when they get older. I don't want them to be a slave to branding, and buying stuff they don't need just to impress someone they don't care about.

Throughout this year, spending time with my friends and family has really sustained me and the more I look around and notice that stuff isn't doing it for me, the more I realize that the fog is lifting and that I can become a better person by letting go and giving in to what really makes me happy. Anxiety is a bitch, but it sure is bringing about some major life lessons I needed to learn. 💯💯

A good defense is the best offense...especially for ignorant onlookers

Today, I allowed myself to get angry! Most parents of special needs child try to calm their children down in a polite and quiet way without causing extra eyes to gaze upon them and make them feel more uncomfortable. Today, was not one of those days. As I scrolled through my facebook feed, I paused to see this pictured posted by one of my so called "friends" (I use this term loosely since I will be deleting them shortly.) I was almost shocked to see that someone who knew me and my son's situation would even have the audacity to A. post this nonsense and B. proudly agree and say that they "have been saying this for years." As a parent of a child that is both Autistic and ADHD I took offense and proceeded to tell this person off, but thought better about it knowing that I not only represent myself, but my son, my family, and my special needs community. If this is the message that other people have, what do you say to those that stare at you when you are dealing with a public meltdown, or those that have these types of things to say regarding children with special needs. I'd like to think that people are open minded to learning instead of spouting ignorance and foretelling their stupidity to the rest of the world, but I know in my mind that that is not the case. I almost feel sorry for the people that say that this is a "made up" diagnosis or (my favorite) "why are they just now diagnosis this, back in the day you never heard of this. those kids were just labeled as bad". Well, all I can say is times change and things change. We don't talk about things like polio because we've all but wiped out that threat, but back in the day, that used to be common. Now there are other disabilities to discuss and people can't just roll with the times. They have to find some way to undercut medicine or the special needs community in order to feel better about themselves, and that my friend is the definition of SAD! Sorry Ass Deadbeats who walk around feeling better about themselves by putting others with disabilities down. Well I'm not hiding my family from the public. I'm also not apologizing for having to deal with a mini meltdown or two. As a parent, its my job to teach my children (special needs or not) how to conduct themselves in public and if a teachable moment happens to be in the middle of an eruption, then so BE IT! Society and idiots that choose to live in a time warp bubble will just have to roll with the punches, or grow to be old and HOPE that these children that they are putting down today grow up to be law abiding, wage earning, citizens taking care of the older generation that spit upon them when they were growing up.
I'm here to tell you that you have no excuse. Get the right message instead of purporting the wrong message. As a parent of a special needs child, I am not afraid to conduct teachable moments to random adults either!

Today, I'm 30

As of today, I am 30 years old. I have two beautiful children and a loving husband. Still, we have to deal with the mounting bills and the ABA stuff we try to get for our ASD son, but today I am trying not to let any of this bring me down. I will try to enjoy my birthday with my family and try not to think about the thousands of things I always think about and the next steps I try to plan out for my children. I will do my best to just enjoy the moment today and not focus on the uncertainty of tomorrow. That is what I'm striving to do for today. 

My Serenity Prayer

Potty Training with PECS

My son is 2 going on 3 and one of the hardest things I've ever had to do is potty train him. After numerous attempts with musical potty's, potty seats on the toilet and food encouragement we finally found a system that helps him ...... PECS.

The PECS system is actually working along with a daily schedule of events so that he knows when I will request for him to go to the potty. Let me spell it out.

We have a PECS chart of a daily schedule and inbetween every event I have a potty on the schedule so that he knows after this then we potty (just to get him started). But let me back up a moment on my method...

First days - tried to chart how many times he did #1 and #2 in his diaper. We devised the picture schedule and stuck to scheduled eating times so that I could time when I checked his diaper.

This took about 2 days or so to get a good chart; took a couple more days just to get him used to the schedule.

Next - I started to incorporate the potty at these times that I charted and added it to the Picture schedule. My son already knew what the potty was so I thought this would be no problem. Boy was I wrong. Everytime he went to the potty he would HOLD it. He then held it until he got his pull-up on and did everything in the Pull-up. How frustrating was this for me! I couldn't let that stop me though so I thought of Plan B. How about we eliminate the Pull-ups and leave his bottom naked all day. You know where this is going right? Well he held it and held it until he just had to go and this was not on the scheduled chart when this occured! Ugh! what to do right?

Then I found this ingenious invention.....
Tinkle Toonz sensor Saved the Day! This is the sensor that goes into the Tinkle Toonz potty. You can acutally just purchase the sensor and place it in their underware so at the moment they decided to do #1 it starts to sing and then you can train them to sit on the potty.
Since my son insisted on going in the pull-up I had to really train him to go to the potty so ...
Step 1 - Back to the schedule for meals
Step2 - No more pull-ups @ home - only training pants.. we use the all in one kind
Step 3 - sensor in and we go according to the schedule. If he decides to hold it, it's ok cause the sensor will tell me when he starts
Step 4 - Make sure the TV and anything else is turned down to a reasonable volume so you can hear the sensor
Step 5 - Have a potty close by- where you are and have the bathroom door open and ready. Make sure nothing is in your way so you can run like the wind when they start to go. My son can start and stop so I run like the wind and I also take him to the potty when I have to go, just in case this motivates him as well.
Have your PECS potty card and PECS potty schedule in the bathroom and go through the steps while on the schedule and while off - in a hurry - this will ensure that your child understands thoroughly. Make sure your schedule has the times marked when your child will go #2. They usually go at the same time every day, the sensor will not detect this. After a while, my son thought it was fun to be whisked away to the bathroom or the potty. Since he thinks it's a game, he now tells me ( in his own way) It's time to run and then comes to get me to run to the potty. Because I am happy and excited and we cheer afterwards he loves it. We still have accidents but this is helping us tremendously.
If you are interested in the Tinkle Toonz potty or sensor you can find this at http://www.tinkletoonz.com/. They also have a really good article about autism and potty training at http://www.tinkletoonz.com/special_needs.html.
I found the PECS system for potty training at http://www.do2learn.com/picturecards/printcards/2inch/imagegridswords/bathroomword.htm
Let me know how it's going! :)